Here’s Why I Self-Validate in 2016

Here's Why I Self-Validate in 2016

Humans have a deep desire to receive validation from outside sources. Whether it is justification for an outfit we put together. Or credit for the work we have completed on a project, there are many things we want people to pat us on the back for. But why? Why do we care so much about what others have to say about us?

The most obvious answer is that society made us this way. The society of our culture. The family norms we were taught. The school rules and regulations we had to follow. Whenever we did something right or “worthy” of praise, we received validation.


This year my birthday fell on Father’s Day. While it is not the first time this has happened since I have been alive. It is the first time that I had a conscious awareness of this coincidence.

You should know from this post that I am not the young woman to scream from the mountaintops that it was my birthday.

I brought in my birthday this year with a small subset of friends. Which made me realise the importance of self-love more than ever!

I could have made a big fuss about people not coming to celebrate with me in person BUT IT WAS MY DAY. No one owed me to come celebrate in person, that duty was my alone.


I have lived a short, physical life. I am still 20-something. But I know the familiar feeling of disappointment, loss, and the occasional disrespect.

As a result, I have gone many days, without recognition for something, to be frank, I earned honour for. Birthdays included!

But this year, HE remembered.

There came a time when I believed people forgot my birthday because I did not make a big deal out of it. That the only way people would remember such a special day was if I made them remember.

This year I realised how inaccurate that thought was. We show people our sincerest-Self when we let our Spirits guide us.

I am grateful that HE remembered when he did because it allowed me to learn something about life.


We can debate whose validation or recognition is worth more, yours and theirs.

Should I be happier that HE remembered to wish me a happy birthday? Should I be happy to know that I woke up on my birthday feeling amazing?

I shared my birthday with people I love. They wished me a happy day. I did what I wanted. Despite not having I.D to do so! Maybe next year I’ll make noise and demand more outside validation. But do not hold your breath for it…

The question of what is worth more to you, their validation or yours is for YOU to decide.

What I do know for myself is that I no longer SEEK the validation of outside forces to solidify my happiness.

I have 5K+ “friends” online and spent my birthday with less than 20 of them offline.

I was born alone. I am an only child (to my Mum). I live alone, but I am not alone (read lonely).

I refuse to allow things like social media and society tell me where I should seek validation. I have decided to seek it within first then accept outside recognition IF it comes. If not, oh well! I’m still DOPE and 2 KOOL! Life goes on!

If you would like to know who this mystery HE person is, drop a comment below and follow me on Instagram. HE just might make an appearance online!

A photo posted by Terri K (@terri2kool) on

Cheers to your amazing life, Terri.

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