Securely Insecure

So. I’ve decided to do a post about relationships, feelings, etc. Do not expect to find out any juicy details about my love life though, I most certainly will not indulge in such details online, LOL. But I’ve had a few things on my mind related to relationships and feelings, so I have been inspired to share them with you, my readers. Disclaimer: I am not a relationship guru, I am merely sharing my opinion and thoughts on the topic of relationships.

Relationships are an interesting concept to me. I say this because there are so many types of relationships people can come up with at the drop of a dime. For example, there are the general ones – family, friend, lover, enemy. But then under those, people have come up with some interesting additional types. Like you can be a close friend but not a best friend, a friend but not a lover ie. friend with benefits, you can be a friend who secretly hates but not a hater, and the list goes on. How men and women define these relationships TOO is intricate as well. The Mars v. Venus concept is the most general that I can think of: Men are less emotional beings than women and as such, women tend to get caught up in the many varying definitions of a relationship. Whereas a man, may keep things simple – we’re friends till we’re boyfriend/girlfriend till we’re fiance/fiancee till we’re husband/wife – and at each stage there is a mere difference in the relationship, that is the level of commitment and expectations.

Communication is by far the one thing I can say that I think makes or breaks a relationship. Couples that look cute together that do not communicate with each other are just for show. If he feels she is just his friend and as such acts accordingly but she gets upsets cause she never asked where they stood in their relationship, a problem exists. Jealousy is born and from it manifest drama, the one thing women are most often associated with. A negative generalization that has plagued women, historically. Conversely, men have an equally damaging generalization, that is the notion that all men are players, dogs,  cheaters, unable to be faithful, etc. In both situations, there are misconceptions about the other person but very rarely is effective communication a chosen remedy. Men go on ignoring women when they want to ‘talk’ and women continue to believe every guy they deal with will somehow do them wrong.

But before either a relationship forms and effective communication is used – one must actually like someone else: feelings! This is by far the kryptonite for many women, I personally have not known too many guys to express themselves being caught up in their feelings. This may be so because men are known to be very macho, emotionless, and prideful beings. Because women are wired to be more emotional than men, when a woman likes someone you can bet she is most certainly ‘all in‘! It can be a good thing in the sense that most women only their feelings for someone to keep them loyal. However it can be a bad thing, as some women get too caught up in their emotions, what they believe their relationship to be but are terrible communicators. Yet, another problem exists.

So having said all of that, I offer my opinion on relationships, communications and feelings:

  • Open, honest communication is necessary: It is by far one of the hardest things to accomplish if you are not an effective communicator but I promise you it will make a world of a difference. Too many times people blame situations on the person they like because in their eyes that person was wrong. I bet if they had a conversation about whatever was bothering them before it got too far, they wouldn’t be at all upset.
  • Express how you feel, when you feel it: Waiting till later is the devil! LoL. Extreme but I’m so serious about this one. You’d be surprised how much stress and drama you can rid in your life if you just tell people how you feel when you feel it. (I personally fail at this one, so you’re not alone)
  • Assume nothing: Ha! Assumptions are the devil’s off-springs. Just because you think it should be a certain way, you feel it is this way – I promise you the other person may not be feeling the same way you are. An assumption is a lie people tell themselves then are usually surprised when they find out the truth.
  • Do things because you want to: Please please please, pay particular attention to this note. Too many people, ladies and gents, only do things to get something in return or because they feel obligated to. WRONG! If you like/love someone, do whatever it is you plan on doing for them genuinely because you want to do it, intrinsically. You’ll begin to dislike that person if you do things for them out of guilt or because you are looking to receive something back and you never get it. If you have to explain to that person why you will not do something for them then do so. But you will have a rocky relationship if you constantly only do things because you think it is expected because you did it once before.
  • Be happy in like/love: Above everything else try to remain positive. If nothing else, try to keep a positive attitude with and around the person you like/love. Some days you may have a bad day and it just may be that person’s presence to brighten you up and vice versa. If nothing else be okay with however your relationship is set up and if you’re not, get out of it! Don’t stick around or continue playing the game, because you scared to be without that person in your life. If  you’re not happy, it’s not meant to be – SIMPLE!

Well readers, that’s my take on relationships at this present moment in time. Who knows tomorrow I may read this and be like ‘What was I thinking’ and be in a new state of mind, relationship-wise or a few weeks from now I may be right back in this same mind set. I hope this post offered you sound advice and a solid perspective on relationships, feelings, and communication. Whether you agree, disagree, may try a thing or two, or that you think what I wrote is silly – your opinion and you’re entitled to it.

Until next time … Namaste!

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