The Pink Matter

So, readers, I have struggled for a topic to blog about today. Not that I am uninspired but there are just so many things on my mind that I wanted talk about. As you know from possibly reading my uber-short bio in the About page on the blog or by following my Twitter account and reading that bio – you would know that I am a music fiend, like no other. I have found yet another site for networking and getting new exclusive music from some major artists as well as many indie artists as well. Anytime I am writing a post about a specific single, music video or anything music I tend to open my post with this little speech about my love affair with music. LOL.

But really what this post about women’s idea of sex appeal for themselves and other women; and men’s too but since I am a young woman I can only offer what I believe woman think of in this regards. If you are a male and would like to comment on this post – by ALL means – do so!

Ordinarily when I think of a girl’s night out with my ladies – usually the first thing after we’ve decided where we are going is what we are going to wear. Never in an effort to color coordinate but at least to figure out what types of clothes we would like to wear – skirt versus dress, shorts versus leggings. My personal rule is if it is warm enough outside I will more than likely be wearing shorts or a skirt. I dislike winter wear to put on, I love the outfits that are styled during the winter time. I truly despise wearing so many layers of clothing – so less is much better in my world. Usually ladies night involves a club as the venue and when this is so – SHORTS are by far my number one bottom choice. I love to dance – so any clothing that restricts my movement is a big no-no and totally avoided from my closet. I’ll skip the details of how tops, accessories and make up is done in preparation for a night out for a moment to move to the reason behind this post.

I don’t know if this is true for males, but I know for myself and probably most other females when choosing clothes to wear to the club the main motivation for tight versus loose, long versus short is the opposite sex, men. In a woman’s mind what is attractive to a male when he looks at a female is what helps to determine her outfit for the night. I do this almost every time I get dressed for a night on the town, whether I mean to or not. Not that I am trying to get picked up by a guy at the club but that can be a primary motivation for some women; to dress overtly sexy in order to somehow scoop a beau by the end of the night. (This is not to say that I have never done it or seen a handsome guy at the other of the dancefloor and thought ‘yum’ but as of late that’s not my motivation.)

The main reason I no longer dress “overtly” sexy for any male attention is because most of the time that attention is ill-gotten and received. Think about it: if you dress to turn the opposite sex on or to appeal to their sexual desires then they react with those intentions at the forefront of their mind and you feel disrespected by it…who’s fault is that really? Women are usually the ones who feel a certain way when this occurs (again I am not commenting on males because I am not one). No we do not verbally ask men to be disrespectful when we wear crop tops that expose our bellies or shorts and skirts that have our legs out, from the upper thigh downwards. Still, it can be expect that if a man see something which he looks attractive to his eye and appeases his desire – most of the time he will act or react to those desires.

So now what? Ladies want to be free to dress ‘sexy’ in their opinion without being harassed and men want to ask for a dance in the club without a woman thinking he is trying to disrespect her. I have a few suggestions which are things I do when I go out.

  1. I dress for me and me alone! When I pick out an outfit the only thing I think of when I look at myself in the mirror for final approval is “Terri, do you feel comfortable wearing this?” If there is any doubt at that point, I will change whatever it is about my outfit that doesn’t make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world that matters to me. Super confident, I know!
  2. Test dance in the mirror. If you are unsure if the length of your skirt or dress is appropriate or will allow to dance a certain way, try it at home. I’m always dancing in front of my mirror – to test clothes or just for the fun of it – but every time before I go out I buss a little wine or two, three or as many as I feel (LOL) to test out my outfit. I pick up ways to buss my wine the way I usually do but with modifications depending on my outfit.
  3. Watch your liquor!  Time and time again, this is by far the NUMBER ONE reason women act wild in the club and feel they are being mistreated (Myself included). I’m not saying don’t drink while out but if  you know a certain liquor brings out a different side of you that is not very ‘lady like’ then stay away from it when in a setting where you are less likely to be able to control certain things about your environment.
  4. Do not expose your parts. Okay, this is tied to #3 and definitely is correlated to how much liquor you do intake – but PLEASE if you are conscious of how your clothing is moving, do not let your private body parts come out for peepshow activities in the club. It is quite embarrassing on your part and the part of other women in the club when that ONE drunk female has her boob out or her vagina exposed because she decided not to wear a bra or thong underneath her outfit. That’s a self-respect thing, which I cannot truly advise but to do some soul searching and meditate with Jah once or twice or thrice a day!
  5. You are you, dress accordingly. May sound similar to #1 but it is VERY different. When I say dress accordingly, I mean for your body size and type. Petite women can and cannot wear certain clothing because of their size, while heavier women have the same dilemma. Please, do not think men find it cute when you’re a heavy wearing a petite sized woman’s clothing. Petite, do not over compensate because you are small. Wearing bra tops and underwear style pants is not cute either. (Somebody probably said that about my sequence shorts on Saturday but they were SHORTS & I looked bad in them, but I digress)

These 5 suggestions are not law, they are not even all the tips I could provide on this topic. But they are the most prevalent ones I could think of since my night at Thrive this passed Saturday. You could say I broke almost all of my suggestions if you saw me when I was out because I did wear a bra as a top, with a floral over-shirt that I tied to expose my belly and I had on black shorts which stopped at the upper upper portion of my thing AND wore 5″ high heels – but I can tell  you when I wrote these suggestions I thought of everything I did before I left my house for the club and everything I suggested I did or somehow influenced my choice of clothing. I could have felt disrespected when guys were touching me trying to pull me in for a dance – but I have this rule if I do not feel comfortable going to dance with you, I will politely adjust my body position to decline your request. (Sometimes I get aggressive and rude if you’ve tried more than once, LOL) I went out that night with all intentions of enjoying a night with my girlfriend CT and that’s exactly what I did.

So ladies (and gents) next time you go out to the club, be mindful of how it is you want to be treated or how you plan to treat someone. Despite how they are dressed whether it says she’s easy or not, he will take you home and put it down – just remember ‘how you wanted to be treated is how you should treat others’. Futhermore, if that was your child in the club dressed as such – how would  you want them to be treated?

Until next time… Namaste

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  1. Wow, I feel like you took this post straight out of my own mind! I also feel you can wear a sexy outfit without visually giving away respect, and I think a large part of it has to do with being true to your own sense of style and how you command your body. I found this blog through a chain of link clicks, but I really like your views so far and will be back. 🙂

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