‘Tis the season to be in a relationship! LOL. Okay may be this isn’t officially the season to be in a relationship as they can happen at any point within the year – but it just so happens that many people tend to start more new relationships around this time of the year. The colder seasons tend to have that affect on people, in my opinion. With that said though, this post is not so much dedicated to the joys of relationships per se as it is to the struggles some relationships have.
For the most part relationships go through the honeymoon phase while dating, everything seems great – it’s amazing. “He does this for me and it’s so sweet.” “She does that for me and I can’t get enough.” For a relationship to have an extended honeymoon phase some intense effort needs to be executed. But what works for two doesn’t work for us all, I sincerely think some relationships get to the rocky phases earlier than others because one spouse (or both) started expecting things based on past relationships they have been in or by looking at another relationship such as that of a friend or coworker.
Now I believe it is apart of our human nature to have expectations for the people we encounter in life. Some expectations are higher than others depending on the person, the type of relationship, how long the relationship has been and whatever else you as an individual hold important to you. However, I think one of the best things you can do in your relationship is loosen or get rid of some of the expectations you place on your significant other. THIS IS NOT BY ANY MEANS LOWERING YOUR STANDARDS. I want to be very clear to explain the difference in the two, for me. Personally, I define standards as being manifestations of your ethics, morals and beliefs. What is right to me, may seem wrong to another – this is usually because how I define ‘right’ in a certain situation is different from how another person rationalizes it in the same situation. Alternatively, expectations are created based on how one defines the roles people have in his/her lives. For example, one expects their mother to love them unconditionally – good or bad – because she is one of the people who help created you, she carried you for 9 months (more or less) and why wouldn’t she right? But then that same person can have a certain standard of what a mother should be, which may or may not be different from their own mum. It could be based on how their mother treated them, positive or negative, whether they like the way they were treated by their mum, her interactions with one’s father or other men, etc.
Once you have made that distinction between an expectation and a standard, I do believe you can then truly understand why your relationship is so blissful or why it has seem to come upon hard times. But if you go through that process and you find it’s not your expectations of your spouse nor is it the standards you have because your significant other has met both beyond what you had set for them… It may be a deeper issue rooted in who that person truly is.
I personally believe the best relationships, the long-lasting relationships, are the ones in which each spouse compliments the other without an extreme amount of effort. I believe in their being someone on this earth truly created for you as an individual. Your likes, your dislikes. What makes you tick on the inside, that person has learned and knows when to act or react to you and vice versa. The way you think, that person is keen on and can anticipate your reactions in certain situations and knows just what to say. When you think no one else notices your mood change, that special someone does. The list could go on forever.
But I said all that to say that if you ever get to those rock in a hard place kind of feelings in your relationships you should probably reevaluate your relationship. The worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is to compare your spouse to someone else and make them feel as if they are not living up to the standard of the other person because at the end of the day it becomes ‘well maybe you should be with so-and-so and not me.’ I’m NO relationship guru, I don’t think I have all the answers in life cause I’m only twenty-three BUT I try to be as open as I can in my relationships, intimate and the nots, and it’s from those relationships that I pull inspiration from for this post. So I hope you have found this post to be an interesting read and to include some opinions you may not have heard before or an opinion similar to your own.
Until next time… Namaste