Every once in a while life throws us a curve ball, whether we hit the ball out of the park or simply get a strike is dependent upon ourselves. Life without struggle is not living at all. Sure, we’d all love to live a perfect life but one’s idea of perfection is truly a manifestation of what they consider their truth to be. So what is true for one may not be true for all. With that I have decided to speak about a truth that many of us may have come to realize at some point in our lives, and if you have not come upon the enlightenment as yet still feel free to read this post anyways – you may find some things that may alert you on that if it ever happens to you and potential ways to handle it…
I think family relationships are by far some of the most important ones for any young child to learn. They show us how to interact with others, what is acceptable behaviour for family interactions versus interactions with friends and others. Many children, without even trying, make a checklist in their head of the things they want in a significant other – for young men it’s a woman who can cook, clean, and is as loving as his mother; for young women it’s a man who can protect, provide and is as caring as her father. Parental relationships are some of the strongest for children to gain an example in their head of what a standard is or should be.
Now I won’t say that if a parent is missing from a child’s life that healthy and positive standards cannot be formed, because that is most certainly not true. That is the time when the extended family members come into the equation and add more variables to the test. Uncles. Aunts. Cousins. In-Laws. Also, family friends can also be great examples for young children to learn from.
Family love is generally unconditional love, in my opinion. I believe that when members of your family truly have your best interest at heart they will accept you, flaws and all. It’s a love that generally we as individuals do not do much to receive, expect be ourselves.
So, it goes to say that when family members break our heart by disrespecting us or making us feel as if we are not worthy of their love – it’s a different kind of hurt. I don’t know if you can empathize with this but it’s as if you second guess your role in the situation – Where you wrong for what you said or did? – Should you have done something different or nothing at all? Those are usually moments of self-discovery. When I say self-discovery, I mean that it gives you a chance to truly reflect on your reactions or actions in the situation – Were you truly out of line for your role in the situation? If your answer is yes, that simply means that you need to recognize it, let whomever you hurt know that you apologize (if you’re truly sorry, if not then don’t) and ultimately learn from the situation to ensure that you do no hurt your family like that in the future.
But what if you’re NOT wrong? What if the OTHER family member was actually wrong and your heart is the one that is hurting and heavy? If it’s the first time that family member has wronged you, a simple conversation with them to let them know how their actions or words made you feel should be enough. If they truly value you as a relative, as a friend and ultimately as a human being they will listen to your concern, your hurt and apologize for their role and hopefully make changes to their behaviour in the future. Now, if this IS NOT their first offense against you or against other family members and they have not learned from their actions – simply cut them off!
Yes, that sounds pretty harsh but it’s true. Whenever a friend does something wrong, after going through the motions with them to help them change towards a positive attitude, actions and conversation – if they STILL do not wish to change, why should you stick around and constantly be hurt? That’s true stupidity. Love is not blind nor is ignorance bliss. You do not have to accept someone’s second hand love because they do not want to give you first class love, not from your friends, your family or anyone else for that matter. We all deserve the exact same kind of love that we give out. So if you are giving your all to everyone and they are not giving it back – you really have two choices: to continue or to stop.
I am not here to judge anyone or to tell anyone what to do but I will offer my opinion on a situation especially if it has occurred in my life. Hopefully from this post you have a more clear overstanding of what kind of love you deserve from others, no matter their role in your life. If you think everything in your life is super amazingly great, despite the heart breaks that constantly follow you in life then by all means continue on your current path. I do not nor will I ever claim to have all the answers, I really do not have them all. I’m just willing to offer my current opinion on certain topics with hopes of enlightening myself and others to think of life as a chess game, and not one of checkers meant simply for entertainment.
Until next time… Namaste